How can I hate myself and hate hating myself at the same time? And what, or who, is creating this polar opposition?
July 23, 2016
Though I guess the opposition isn’t so polar after all. Hate is hate, right? Hating hating myself, it seems, is still hate directed at myself. My whole world is seen through the eyes of fear.
I want out of this car. It’s suffocating.
WTF Just Happened?
I saw someone literally change before my eyes. A different face. The contortions rippled on and over the body. It was someone different.
I wasn’t afraid. I was interested.
Is this the truth?
There’s truth in there somewhere but I’m more unsure of everything now.
I was shown photographs. I’d never seen them yet some of them I’d seen before.
Something is amiss here. Or am I overthinking things again?
This person didn’t exist in this world – not my world.
I sat as the observer from a different plane.
I thought he was real but he seemed anything but.
Am I real?
How do I explore the next realm while confined to the roots of this world?
Have I completely lost my fucking mind?
Is choosing to leave my marriage, my alcoholic husband, self-centered? Is this the self-centered ego doing something for a thought-based reason?
Is it wrong to have pets?
I love my dog. I thought I loved my dog. Do I though? Can I confine my animal to this world, call claim to it, and still truly love it?
The acorn that falls to the forest floor, has it fallen from the tree of life or from self?
Has it died to self and returned to the earth? Or has it fallen from the breath and roots of life to the rotting decay of the world?
What is the tree? What am I?
Am I the tree stemming from the Source and letting go of the seeds of the world that are trying to starve me?