A Different Question

Ask not for healing but for right perception.

That seems quite logical. Ask not for change of a shitty situation but only right perception of it. The more I seem to look at my “problems”, I can’t seem to find an alternative situation that would make it “better.” Only different problems surface.

I think of my eating disordered mind that is still harboring old thought patterns. No change in food consumption, hair style, exercise regime, etc. will solve any of these things if my perception of myself continues to be skewed.

I’m not sure where right perception comes from though. Does it just dawn on me? I can’t go searching for it anymore because every perceived answer I come up with seems to be wrong.

Simply ask and wait?

Subtle Lessons in Awareness

The thing with Awareness, you can’t search for it. It just finds you when you stop looking.

I used to start the music, set the timer, and begin the meditation. My eyes would close, I would open the door to my mind and, instead of welcoming in Awareness, I walked right past it into the forest of mind to find what I thought it was.

I went in search of Awareness but found madness instead.

The timer would ring signalling the end of my meditation. I’d feel frustration, sometimes more than when I’d started, at the obvious failure of my hunt.

Yet, I’ve now been taught that Awareness brings to me only what I need in any particular moment.

I didn’t think the light that I saw shining was the Great Awareness I was searching but I now know there are no levels to the magnitude of Awareness. It just is and will show itself to me when I give myself to It.

As I give, so shall I receive.

Do You Know What You’re Asking?

I sit in quiet contemplation and ask:

What causes us to block the light? Why, or how, did we forget? How do we remember?

It suddenly seems circular. If I knew the cause could I remove it to undo the effect?

What I seem to be saying is that I’m the cause of darkness and what I’m asking is how to remove myself. I have made myself both cause and effect and have become both the attacker and attacked.

Where is the beginning of darkness if everything came from light?

It can’t be answered. There is no darkness.

Closing my eyes in the light doesn’t mean the light is gone.

Ubiquitous Love – Part 2

Yes, love is everywhere! There’s deep truth in that – but it’s a hard concept to understand. It’s especially hard to understand when the Universe has given me a most profound experience of unconditional love…but it won’t let me have it consistently. At least not in the way that I want it – in human form.

I crave it! I can’t stop thinking about it. I want more.

Then I ask the question, “What is it that I want more of?” Well, love of course! But then it dawns on me – the Universe is already providing it, I’ve just not been aware. I’ve only been seeing it in one form and in doing so I’m missing all the other forms of love that are all around.

Epiphany!

God, the Universe, is providing all that I need and desire, it just doesn’t always come in the way I am expecting. I’m filled with light and love but my mind has been so focused on the only experience I’ve “physically” had and seen. I’ve failed to see the rest of it. Now I must be open, open to possibility.

I’m then reminded of the movie, What The Bleep Do We Know? and I give thought to the Quantum Superposition. In basic terms for my simple mind (my mind that is as far from a scientific mind as one could get) there is a wave of possibilities spread out before us, all completely possible, yet the minute we zone in on one possibility, it snaps into one position – we focus on the tip of the iceberg above the water instead of the vastness below it. The teeny, tiny tip becomes our reality and we miss the mass of amazement that lies beneath, beyond.

I’ve changed the name of my experience. The one experience no longer has a person’s name. I’ve disassociated his name from the name of love. I’ve wanted him as my form of love and have thought it was the only way there was because he is the only physical experience I’ve had of that unconditional beautiful love.

When I focus on love now, I no longer name it “him.” He is only one possibility of love. I name my desire love and focus on love – not “him” – he is not THE love, he is a form of love that fills only a specific want and human desire. Love is everywhere – in light, in warmth, in silence, in company. The Universe is already giving me love in a million different forms. I just need to open my heart and freely receive that which already is.

I have first loved what I could see. But I had to let it go – and now I can accept all of the love that I cannot see. It’s there and is infinitely in me!

I am love!