It was not the weekend I had expected it to be. Great emotion was released.
It came at a time when I was required to practice and send healing to someone else. I was required to give.
The deep inadequacy and unworthiness rooted in my core burst forward. Tears and anger and fear and doubt, they sprung forth from behind my hiding eyes.
I could not participate in the practice exercises for the remainder of the day and, while I wanted to leave, I remained, sitting alone in focused meditation on the presence of my Higher Awareness.
I have not experienced such internal discomfort ever.
By the end of the day, however, my anger at the person who had drawn this out of me had subsided. The dark whole had been flooded instead with gratitude for the space that had been opened.
My cleverly disguised saboteur had been identified – and she still stands close by waiting to sneak in where she sees distraction.
But I see her now. She and I, we can do this dance for as long as she needs but, in the end, the tireless presence of Love will seep into every dark spot and light the way.
I am where I am meant to be and I am not going anywhere.
I am being led in a very specific direction right now and though the obstacles are unlike any other, they are not greater than my knowing that this path I blaze now is The One.
Something wonderful is happening when you’re no longer looking at ‘problems’ as something painful that needs solving and instead start realizing they’re a beacon, a calling of the darkness to the light.
Within it comes a voice. “Can you see me here?”, it asks.
When the answer is yes, you see the Light and what you thought was a problem disappears from sight completely.
There is a woman lying naked on the floor beneath me. She cannot see who stands above her. She trembles slightly and feels someone kneel at her feet. I can sense that she is not afraid. I am honored that she is allowing me into her vulnerability. She is gracious. I lay my hand gently over her delicateness. She is cool and soft. She shivers. She does not close. She allows me to feel her still. As my hand lays gently in place, her skin starts to warm and I can feel a gentle pulse, a warm and inviting flow. She tells me through this energy that there is trust. She knows not who I am. She is so pink and pure I dare not betray the honor of her welcome. Her body trembles again and I gently place my finger on her sweetness. Another shiver transcends across her body and her legs splay every so slightly telling me it is okay. The beauty of her womanhood is glorious. It is such a pleasure to kneel here and feel her joy at the sensation of my touch. She cannot see the person that I am but she is open to my energy and tells me through her life force to continue. My finger tip, as gently and softly as it can, circles slow atop her fragility. She is like a gentle, morning dew. Her back arches and her beauty thrusts slowly closer to me. I am in awe of this moment of grace. She is not afraid but only is loving and kind and wants to feel me more. She receives me openly and knows me only as the same beauty. What she is giving to me is more precious than what I am offering her. Yet she does not seem to be aware of a difference between us. My fingers continue circling, gently, with a care I did not know was in me. She softly moans and arches more and the energy increases. She is like a small pink rose opening her petals, opening them for me, telling me that I am pure as well. She reaches pure elation under my touch, the softness in my body I did not know was there reveals itself to me. Through her open welcome receiving she has given me more than I even knew was there.